The Kongo Bongo Love Hearts Holiday
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: DK is stuck between a date with Candy and hanging out with the boys. The usual dilemma for everyone's favourite Kong!


Donkey Kong marched up to the beach bungalow and gave the solid bamboo door three quick raps. His girlfriend Candy opened the door and gasped at the sight of the great ape and his kind considerations. Within each hand was a lovely gift to which DK presented wholeheartedly.

"For you, my favourite dear!" said DK studly as he held forth the box of banana chocolate and banana shaped balloons, saucily clenching the banana rose in between his precious pearly whites.

"Oh, DK!" cried Candy. "This is the best gift I have ever received on Kongo Bongo's official Love Hearts Holiday!"

"I know!" DK beamed. He waltzed inside and took a seat on the sofa. "We should now use our eyes to see a Netflix and get totes invested in eating grand food like bread and water!"

"Indeed! This sounds like a very blessed experience!" said Candy excitedly. She hurried into the kitchen to make some nachos using the banana chocolates.

DK switched to the channel that King Netflix owned and streamed "Weirder Objects". He loved that show almost as much as bananas.

"Yo, broseph!" barked Diddy from outside the living room window.

DK was startled by the sudden appearance of his little buddie. He opened the window to let him in. "What's crackin', Diddy?"

"DK, we are supposed to be going to the park to play baseball with K. Rool!" growled Diddy angrily as his single eye accidentally fell out of its socket and rolled underneath the coffee table. He made haste to retrieve his optic device.

"I apologise, Little Buddie..." DK said sadly. "But I am having a rockin' date with my awesome bae, Candy!"

The eyeless chimp put his hands on his hips and spat into the vase of banana roses in disgust. "What matters more, DK? Her or me?"

"I am so sorry..." DK sat down and inhaled a can of marmalade-coated banana popcorn.

Candy came back into the room and saw Diddy using her vase to deposit saliva. "Why are you here?"

"I am going to destroy your life for stealing my Big Buddie!" snarled Diddy. He took out a flamethrower and torched the television set. Every single Netflix died that day and now every Kong had to get Disney Plus which comes free with Delta Stream Rayquaza.

Funky overheard the fiery madness and stopped by for a quick peek at the action and no satisfaction. "Holy dudes, dudes! What is the most unrighteous haps?"

"Funky, my gal-pal Candice and my good lad Diddice are having a quarrel!" explained DK as his butt was rendered inaccurately due to Nelvana's ugly CGI budget cuts.

"I suggest you fix this problemo without bein' a lame-o!" said Funky. He buckled up his surfbelt, citizens, and caught that wave.

Bluster was also in the neighborhood around the same time that Candy and Diddy had begun lightsaber dueling like Obi and Ani.

"This is so unbodey!" sobbed DK into his mo-capped hands with magnetic attributes.

Bluster scoffed with all his snob-might. "DK, you look distraught and it's seriously boosting my self-esteem because I am very insecure and rely on others' failures in order to promote my own emotional gain. What is wrong?"

DK slowly approached the richy rich with a loaded CG and blasted a hole in his barrelcopter. The vehicle fell and exploded into 2.5 pieces of pure disdain.

Bluster growled and whipped out his electric katana. He fought his hunky rival to the death.

Cranky won, solidifying the deal as he plunged his Death Scythes into DK's corn muffin collection.

DK saw the destruction of his food items and keeled over. Three years later, he awoke in a hospital bed in San Fran. "What befell me?"

Bluster was in his chair licking stamps when he noticed DK's revival. He called for immediate emergency assistance. Krusha and Klump walked in in their nurse outfits and used the defibrillator on its highest setting. DK was reborn as a grander being with the power to kill every MCU dude with a snap of his fingers.

The Joker looked over from his job in St. Louis and pondered just how beefy the Kong leader's fingers had gotten due to the medical equipment. "That is so awesome and I wish Batman could see it."

"I can see it," said the Dark Knight as he sneaked up behind the evil clown and broke out his mixtape. The Joker heard these displeasing Bruce Wayne vocals and exploded just as Bluster's Barrelcopter had done so all those years ago.

Bluster heard the explosion and flew to St. Louis for investigative purposes. There he found the fallen Joker. He used a gluestick to affix him to the broken barrelcopter and restored the vehicle to its original self. "I have the proudest heart now! Mother will be so proud!"

Cranky sat beside Candy and Diddy on the beach. "See? I saved us all back then," he said wisely like a super-old geek.

"I do not understand," Diddy grumbled.

"And that is why you fail..." Cranky sighed. He then kicked Diddy off of the whole entire beach. The red-capped ape fell down for eighty years, screaming to no end as the many horrors of reality grazed his being and shook him to his very core.

"Marvelous," said DK as he walked up to Candy with his new tuxedo. "I guess my dates will be grand now!"

"Trudat, BOI!" agreed Cranky, trying to sound as hip as a Kung-Fu Panda trailer.

DK took of his chicky-babe's hand and the two had the most righteous date on the beach ever and cupid shot so many arrows because he was a 360-no scope MLG pro.

**THE END**


End file.
